


i like you, stupid

by perilousgard



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Pining, Rule 63, i am really obsessed with genderbent hq!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3107507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perilousgard/pseuds/perilousgard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi knows that Oikawa would make just about the worst girlfriend ever. </p>
<p>or</p>
<p>How to tell your best friend that you're totally into her: a guide to looking like a complete idiot by Iwaizumi Hajime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi and welcome to my first multi-chapter fic in a million years
> 
> i don't think this is going to end up being all that long, but i split it into multiple chapters anyway. 
> 
> i'm totally in love with fem!oikawa too, i completely feel iwaizumi in this fic.

Iwaizumi’s had a crush on Oikawa for as long as she can remember.

It makes her angry.

She knows enough about Oikawa’s dating history to realize that Oikawa would make the worst girlfriend ever. Her relationships never seem to last longer than a few months, and she still seems to flirt with anything that moves in the meantime. The breakups happen sooner more often than later, sometimes with tears on Oikawa’s part ( _muffled into Iwaizumi’s shirt, dampening her neck)_ and usually with a bit of a tantrum. A few days, or maybe a week later, she’s already moved on, because volleyball is what she loves first and best and everything else is secondary.

She goes out with almost anyone who asks her, but sometimes Iwaizumi wonders if she only does it because she enjoys being popular. It doesn’t seem like she really _wants_ anyone.

Well, she always wants Iwaizumi. Just not in the way Iwaizumi wants her to, deep down.

She remembers a party Oikawa had thrown at her house once, when her parents were away on one of their frequent business trips. She had even broken into their liquor cabinet and practically emptied their stock, considering how many people had shown up. She seemed to thrill at the idea of her parents coming home to a completely trashed house, and had laughed at the mess her partygoers were making until someone shattered the “best little sister” mug her sister had bought for her when she was twelve. After that, Oikawa had angrily ordered everyone to leave. When Iwaizumi started edging towards the door, Oikawa had caught her by the sleeve and quietly asked her to stay.

That night, Oikawa had curled against Iwaizumi in bed and told her she was the only one in the world who meant anything to her.

_And my sister,_ she’d added as an afterthought, with a sniffle. Oikawa’s parents were more of an absence than a meaningful presence in her life.

Iwaizumi had buried her nose in Oikawa’s unruly brown hair and thought idly for the first time that she might be in love with her best friend.

Three years later, and Oikawa still hasn’t noticed. The boys come and go.

But she always picks volleyball ( _and Iwaizumi)_ in the end, so Iwaizumi thinks maybe it isn’t so bad. She can manage this.

-

Most days, Oikawa and Iwaizumi do their homework together. Their houses are close together, so they take turns spending time at each. Today, they’re in Oikawa’s room, and supposed to be starting their English assignment. Oikawa is still lying on her bed, and her eyes have been glued to her phone for the past ten minutes.

Iwaizumi looks up and sighs impatiently. “Look, whoever you’re messaging over there can wait. I want to hurry up and get this done.”

“You’re better than me at English, Iwa-chan. I’ll just copy yours later.”

“You can’t just copy my work all the time.” Iwaizumi frowns. “Besides, that’s not even true. You always get better marks than me.”

Oikawa shrugs, tapping away at her phone. She’s still wearing her volleyball shorts, and her hair is pulled up messily, brown strands escaping to brush at her neck. She looks the best like this – no makeup, a little rumpled, not trying hard for anyone. Iwaizumi forces herself to blink and look away.

“Who are you talking to, anyway?”

“I’m not talking to anyone. I downloaded this new game onto my phone.”

“A game?”

“Come up here, I’ll show you. It’s fun.”

She scoots over, makes space for Iwaizumi on her small bed, and Iwaizumi places her head near Oikawa’s so she can look at the phone screen. It’s some repetitive thing where you play an emperor and you go around conquering lands, building up an empire. Oikawa shows Iwaizumi her map, where the lands she’s taken are colored in red, but Iwaizumi has truthfully stopped paying attention. One of Oikawa’s bare knees keeps knocking against hers as she speaks, and Iwaizumi’s nose is full of the scent of Oikawa’s fruity shampoo.

She thinks about how easy it would be to reach her hand out and tuck a few of the errant strands behind her best friend’s ear. She thinks about how she could count all the freckles on the bridge of Oikawa’s nose if she turned her face slightly to the right.

Instead of doing either of those things, she says, “You should cut your hair.”

Oikawa pauses and turns her head. There, those faint freckles, only visible if you’re this close to her. Iwaizumi focuses on the freckles instead of Oikawa’s soft brown eyes. “You don’t like my hair this way, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi bites her lip. “It’s too long. Every time I sleep over here, your hair gets all over my stuff.”

“So, what, should I blunt-cut it like yours, then?” She reaches out, brushes her fingers through the hair near Iwaizumi’s right ear, and a shiver races down her spine. She hopes Oikawa doesn’t notice.

“You can do whatever you want.”

Oikawa chuckles a little, and touches the ends of her hair. “Maybe a new look wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

-

It’s a week later when Oikawa approaches Iwaizumi in the locker room and says, “That boy likes you, Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi grits her teeth, opening up her gym bag. “Get out of my way, Trashykawa. And put your clothes on.”

Oikawa leans against the lockers, perfectly at ease in nothing but her sports bra and shorts. “Don’t ignore me! I saw him talking to you before practice. Kazaki-kun, right? He’s not bad looking.”

The shorter girl rolls her eyes. “Why don’t you ask him out then? You haven’t been out on a date in, what…a whole week?”

“You’re so mean, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa pouts, brushing a strand of hair over her bare shoulder. She’d taken Iwaizumi’s spur-of-the-moment advice and cut it, though it still falls past her shoulders. It really does look nice on her. “I’m just trying to set you up.”

“I don’t _want_ to be set up.” Reaching into her gym bag, Iwaizumi finds Oikawa’s t-shirt and throws it at her. “Hurry up and get dressed.”

Oikawa sighs dramatically and pulls on the shirt. “I don’t know why you’re being so defensive. You’ve been acting all jealous and weird every time I go out on a date lately, so I thought if I found you someone, you’d be happy.”

“I am definitely _not_ jealous,” Iwaizumi says, and it comes out so quickly and harshly that she feels herself turning red.

“Stop getting so grumpy then!”

“Stop trying to force me to go on a date!”

“Okay, fine!” Oikawa holds up her hands in a gesture of surrender. “I have another idea. Let’s go to the batting cages this weekend!”

Iwaizumi raises her eyebrow. “What the actual fuck, Oikawa?”

“You have such a potty mouth, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa starts wiggling out of her shorts, rummaging around in Iwaizumi’s bag for her jeans. Iwaizumi looks away. “Don’t sound so surprised. My sister used to take us, remember?”

“We haven’t been in years. Not since we started playing volleyball.” The fact that Oikawa wants to spend an afternoon playing a sport that isn’t volleyball is literally mind-boggling.

“Exactly! It’ll be fun. And nostalgic.” Iwaizumi hears the _zip_ that means Oikawa has her pants on and turns around again. “Unless you’d rather spend Saturday on a date with Kazaki-kun.”

“Stupid Oikawa,” Iwaizumi mumbles, closing her locker and slinging her bag over her shoulder. It’s her way of saying, _given a choice, it’ll always be you._

-

They ride bikes to the batting cages, the summer sun pouring down on them like water. Oikawa is in a good mood, and even though she sings a J-pop song that Iwaizumi can’t stand the entire way there, her laughter is infectious. Iwaizumi feels light, in a way she hasn’t before, although she can’t explain why.

( _She ignores the voice in the back of her head that says_ You can – you’re in love with your best friend.)

Oikawa isn’t naturally gifted at any sports, really. She had to work hard to get good at volleyball, and she was always a mess with a bat when they were younger. Iwaizumi actually isn’t half bad at it; her bat connects with a ball about 85% of the time, much to her own pleasure. Every time she hits one, she looks back and sees Oikawa smiling at her, and she feels too warm despite the mild weather.

When it’s Oikawa’s turn, she misses a lot. She turns her body too much, swings the bat too late. Every time the ball flies past her she looks completely bewildered, like she can’t believe the ball would dare escape her. Iwaizumi can’t help it; it makes her laugh.

“Shut up, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa says over her laughter, but Iwaizumi has a case of the giggles.

At least until one of the balls nails Oikawa on the head.

She falls to her knees, dropping the bat, and Iwaizumi scrambles into the cage as quickly as she can, ignoring the machine still spitting balls at them. Oikawa is still conscious, one hand pressed to her forehead, and Iwaizumi pulls it away.

“Ouch,” Oikawa says faintly, looking a bit dazed.

Iwaizumi pushes her hair back, peering at her head. “Are you all right? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Three,” Oikawa says, answering correctly. “I’m fine. I think I just remembered why I didn’t join the softball team.”

Iwaizumi feels another laugh bubble up inside of her. “You idiot. I could have told you that.”

“I’m fatally wounded, Iwa-chan. You’ll have to carry my body home.”

“I am _not_ carrying you home.”

“So mean!”

-

Kazaki asks Iwaizumi out about a month later. Iwaizumi turns him down so flatly that he cries a little bit, which is embarrassing and awkward. Of course, the news somehow reaches Oikawa less than an hour later and Iwaizumi’s phone buzzes throughout her entire third period.

Once class is over, she takes out her phone and about ten messages pop up. She only reads the first few.

**Oikawa [10:52 am]:** iwa-chan! you made kazaki-kun cry!!!

**Oikawa [10:54 am]:** i can’t believe how upset he is wow. what did you say to him???

**Oikawa [10:58 am]:** sensitive guys make good boyfriends don’t they??

**Oikawa [11:02 am]:** then again maybe it’s good to be picky. iwa-chan can do better! let the great oikawa-san pick out a boy for you~!!

Iwaizumi sits down with her phone on a bench in the hallway. Her fingers hover over the screen.

She types out a message and sends it before she can second-guess herself.

**Me [12:10 pm]:** don’t bother. i don’t like boys.

-

She turns her phone off and leaves it like that for the rest of the day.

-

When she finally gets the courage to turn it back on the next morning, there are no messages from Oikawa. She doesn’t know whether she should feel relieved, nervous or disappointed.

Her breakfast feels thick in her throat. She eats half of it and walks out the door with a hurried goodbye to her mother.

She runs right into Oikawa, who had been making her way up to the porch.

The first thing Iwaizumi notices about her is that the bruise from the baseball hitting her forehead is still dark and ugly on her skin, although she’s tried to cover it with makeup. She looks no less beautiful for it, still holding her head high and her shoulders straight. She’s looking at Iwaizumi in a peculiar way, but Iwaizumi decides it’s not really a bad way. It’s not a way that says _we can’t be friends anymore_ or _you disgust me,_ at least.

“Got your message,” Oikawa says, holding up her phone.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi replies, her heart thumping.

Oikawa’s eyes crinkle at the edges as she smiles.

“Iwa-chan, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me earlier that you liked girls.”

Iwaizumi stutters, turns red. “I – I didn’t –“

“That is what you meant, right? When you said you didn’t like boys?”

Slowly, Iwaizumi nods, her cheeks flushed. _Do you get it now? Does it make sense?_

Oikawa reaches out and takes her hand, and Iwaizumi almost has a heart attack.

“Everything makes perfect sense now.”

_Yes, go on, put it all together._

“I understand why you were so uncomfortable around those guys I went out with.”

_She must be okay with it. It doesn’t gross her out. Maybe she even –_

“Don’t worry, Iwa-chan. From now on, I’ll be dedicated to finding you the girl of your dreams!”

_…Shit._

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi meets a girl. Aobajousai goes to the Inter-High.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the next chapter!! i think chapter 3 may wrap this up, but i'm not too sure yet. thanks to everyone who's left kudos and comments so far, i'm glad you guys are enjoying this.

Oikawa is thumbing through the contacts on her phone while she and Iwaizumi are on the train, and Iwaizumi feels like taking the phone and smashing it against the nearest hard surface.

“Oikawa,” she says, prodding the other girl’s shoulder, “put the damn phone away.”

“Iwa-chan, how am I ever going to find you a date if I do that? I’m only halfway through the alphabet,” Oikawa protests, nudging Iwaizumi right back. “This is harder than I thought, though.”

Iwaizumi gives a long sigh. Of course Oikawa doesn’t know any girls who are into girls. “Look, it doesn’t matter. I don’t need a…a girlfriend, or anything. And even if I did, I don’t trust your judgment.”

Oikawa looks affronted. “Iwa-chan, I know you better than anyone! I think that makes me the most qualified to judge what you would like in a girl.”

“Hardly,” Iwaizumi snorts, and then thinks _I have really bad taste anyway._

Oikawa shoves her lightly and sticks her phone back in her bag. “Well, I’ll think of something. I’m going to find you a really great girlfriend, Iwa-chan, just wait and see.”

-

Oikawa forgets about this mission as soon as she realizes that the Inter-High is in just a few weeks, which Iwaizumi is grateful for. Things go back to normal, with Oikawa obsessing over every serve, spike and set she does, and Iwaizumi has to yell at her about staying up all night when she comes to school with dark circles under her eyes. She never seems tired, despite this, but Iwaizumi knows she’s more prone to injury when she doesn’t sleep.

One day, when Iwaizumi goes over to her house after school, Oikawa is playing one of Karasuno’s recent matches on her computer. It’s filmed at a terrible angle, but Kageyama’s sets are easily recognizable, as is the bright red hair of the kid she tosses to, and Iwaizumi knows that’s the whole reason Oikawa is watching anyway. She lets her bag fall off her shoulder, irritated.

“I thought I was over here to study,” she says bluntly, startling Oikawa to her presence. “This doesn’t look like math to me.”

Oikawa shrugs, patting the space beside her on the floor. “How do you study for math anyway? You either know it or you don’t. Come here, I want you to see something.”

“You need to stop this, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi says warningly, even as she makes her way over to the space her friend has indicated. “I know you’re all worked up about the Inter-High, but we’re going to be _fine._ Our team’s in top form.”

“I know. It’s not about that.” Oikawa curls her hand loosely around Iwaizumi’s knee as she sits down, and Iwaizumi tries to ignore it. “That chibi-chan who Tobio-chan likes tossing to. Did you know that up until recently, she used to hit the ball with her eyes closed?”

Iwaizumi squints at the screen, watching the little black and orange figures dart around the volleyball court. “No, I guess I didn’t. So?”

“So, don’t you know what that means?” Oikawa’s grip tightens on her knee. “It means that Tobio is pinpointing the exact area where her hand will hit the ball, and all chibi-chan has to do is swing.”

“Well, sure,” says Iwaizumi, looking at Oikawa’s profile. “Oikawa…”

“We’re going to lose to them,” Oikawa says suddenly. “We got lucky at the preliminaries, but now…she evolves so quickly. She’s already so much better than I am, and she’s two years younger.”

The hitch in her breath makes Iwaizumi turn to face her. Oikawa’s hand slides from her knee, but Iwaizumi catches it up in her own. “Don’t make me headbutt you, stupid,” she says, squeezing the warmer, smaller hand in hers.

Oikawa blinks at her. “Iwa-chan?”

“Why does it matter if Kageyama is better than you? Don’t you remember what I said back in middle school? Six players make up a team. So it’s not Kageyama we have to beat, it’s Karasuno. And we’re a better team than them because we have you for a captain!”

Oikawa just stares at her, her eyes glassy, but no tears fall.

Iwaizumi sighs and lets go. “I wish you wouldn’t get like this. Even Kageyama recognizes your superior skills. Do I have to get out that stupid picture you have of her bowing to you?”

Oikawa smiles faintly, twisting her fingers in her lap, and after a moment she leans forward and wraps her arms around Iwaizumi’s waist, head coming to a rest against her chest. Iwaizumi freezes for a moment before letting her arms settle around Oikawa’s slim waist.

“Do you mind if I stay here?” she asks, muffled into Iwaizumi’s t-shirt. “Just for a little bit.”

Iwaizumi shakes her head slowly, chin brushing the crown of her best friend’s head. “No,” she says after a moment, her voice sounding small. She can’t find anything else to say that wouldn’t sound weird, so she lets the silence take over, broken only by Oikawa’s uneven breathing.

-

There’s a girl from another school’s team that’s been watching her for the past half hour.

Every time Iwaizumi glances her way, she’s looking. She doesn’t even look away, instead waving her hand with a friendly little smile. She’s cute, with hair even shorter than Iwaizumi’s and several shades lighter. Iwaizumi curls her hands into her shorts, not acknowledging the hello, and feels her face heating up. This has never happened to her before.

"That girl is looking at you," says Kunimi, and Iwaizumi jumps, looking away so fast she almost gives herself whiplash. 

 

"Don't look," she hisses, feeling her cheeks flush.

 

"Do you know her?" Kunimi continues. "She's waving like she knows you."

 

"No," Iwaizumi answers, "I don't."

 

Kunimi squints at her. "You're blushing."

 

"Shut up!"

 

Iwaizumi almost jumps again when she suddenly feels a cool hand on the back of her neck, which sends small tingles down her spine. She turns and finds Oikawa's face much closer than she was expecting.

 

"You _are_ blushing, Iwa-chan," she says sweetly. "Even the back of your neck is red."

 

Iwaizumi swats her hand away. “It’s hot in here,” she says, a lame excuse.

 

Oikawa laughs, the type of laugh that makes Iwaizumi’s fists clench. “Iwa-chan, if you want to go say hi to her, just do it.”

 

Iwaizumi turns to look at her, sees the playful sparkle in her eyes, the slight condescension in her smile that says _You won’t do it because you’re afraid; you’re not confident like I am,_ and suddenly bolts up from her seat.

 

“You know what, I think I will,” she says, and marches off before Oikawa can say another word.

-

 

The girl’s name is Rinko, and she’s from a little town not far from Sendai. Her hair has this permanently windblown look and she has freckles over the bridge of her nose that Iwaizumi can almost count, even at a distance. She blushes frequently but doesn’t seem shy, particularly when she slips her hand into Iwaizumi’s and tells her, _you know, you’re really pretty._

Iwaizumi leaves the gymnasium that day with the imprint of Rinko’s lips on her cheek and a new number in her phone.

 

Surprisingly, Oikawa doesn’t pester her for details at the next available moment. In fact, it’s not until the two of them are bunking down for the night that she seems to recall, as an afterthought.

 

“Oh…whatever happened with that girl you went to chat up, Iwa-chan?”

 

Iwaizumi smiles to herself, again feeling the light pressure of Rinko’s lips on her cheek. It had been a slightly sticky kiss; Rinko was wearing scented lipgloss. She’d smelled like fruit.

 

“Well?” prompts Oikawa.

 

“We’re going to go on a date,” says Iwaizumi, trying to sound nonchalant. She focuses on getting her bed in order, but can’t help noticing the change in Oikawa’s demeanor. She seems to stiffen, her aura suddenly a bit tenser.

 

“Oh, are you? Are you sure that’s a good idea, Iwa-chan?”

 

“Why not?” Iwaizumi asks, with a little shrug.

 

“You’ve never been on a date before. And I’ve never met this girl – how do I know she’s good enough for you?”

 

“What are you, my mother?” Iwaizumi throws back the line that Oikawa constantly uses on her. “She’s perfect. She has a genuine laugh and smile and doesn’t try to disguise insults as compliments. And she doesn’t listen to trash like AKB48.”

 

Oikawa’s mouth drops open. “Iwa-chan! I can’t believe how mean you are sometimes.”

 

“You say much worse to me on a regular basis, you know.”

 

“I do n—“

 

“You do, actually.” Suddenly irritated, Iwaizumi yanks back her covers and gets into bed, blinking up at the ceiling. Why is she still friends with Oikawa Tooru? Why does she have an annoying stupid crush on her? What is it about her that draws her in, keeps her at Oikawa’s side no matter what?

 

Beside her, Oikawa falls silent and gets into bed too. There’s nothing but quiet for several minutes before Iwaizumi hears the blankets rustle beside her, and she knows Oikawa has turned to look at her in the dark.

“Just remember that I’m the only one who gets to insult you, Iwa-chan. If anyone else does it, they’ll have to answer to me.”

 

Eyes closed, Iwaizumi smiles. “Yeah, whatever. Go to sleep, Trashykawa.”

 

-

 

Iwaizumi has her first date with Rinko set for a Tuesday night, which just happens to be the same day that Aobajousai loses to Karasuno at the Inter-High.

 

Oikawa is devastated.

 

She puts up a strong front for the team, even smiles and laughs for them when they go out to dinner afterward, but Iwaizumi knows the difference between her fake smiles and her real ones, and these are as fake as they come. She has her eyes on Oikawa in concern as her phone goes off in her pocket, and she looks to see a message from Rinko.

 

_Still on for tonight? I’ve really been looking forward to it!_

Oikawa’s mask is going to crumble as soon as they’re alone. She will cry, and it won’t be pretty, and no one will be there to clean the mascara off her face unless Iwaizumi stays. Iwaizumi kind of wants to cry with her; she’s not the only one who wanted their team to go to Nationals this year. It’s over for them now, as third-years, and maybe Rinko will understand that Iwaizumi needs to be with her team. With Oikawa.

 

Her fingers hover over the buttons on her phone.

 

_I’m really sorry – I think I’m going to have to cancel. Our team lost tonight, so it was our last high school game. Can we reschedule?_

After pressing send, she drops the phone into her backpack and rejoins her teammates’ conversation.

 

-

 

That night, Oikawa falls asleep in her arms. There are still streaks of mascara on her cheeks from crying, and Iwaizumi’s own cheeks still feel a little damp. She sniffles a little and runs her hands through Oikawa’s hair, still soft even though she hasn’t brushed it since before the game. Iwaizumi can feel her breath against her collarbone, sending little shivers down her spine. She hopes Oikawa doesn’t wake up; she wouldn’t mind staying like this, for a while.

 

Sighing, Iwaizumi tilts her head and presses a kiss to Oikawa’s forehead.

 

“It’s you, stupid,” she murmurs. “I like _you._ Why don’t you understand?”

 

Oikawa just snores in response.

 

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did oikawa hear what iwaizumi said? guess we'll have to wait and see.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi goes on a date. Oikawa acts weird about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughhh sorry this took so long to update. i am in the midst of preparing to move to japan (!!!) plus catching up on a lot of reading i hadn't done this year. the next chapter will be the last one. hopefully i can have it up before i leave.

Iwaizumi wakes up when she hears her phone going off. She has a mouthful of Oikawa’s hair, and their limbs are tangled together in a warm, lazy way under the blankets. She’s careful not to disturb Oikawa as she reaches for her phone.

There are two texts from Rinko. 

**Tachikawa Rinko (20:42 8 May):** don’t worry about it!! I’m sorry your team lost. Let me know when you want to go out!

**Tachikawa Rinko (8:24 9 May):** I’m free today. Lunch maybe?? 

Iwaizumi looks at the clock. It’s almost ten now. Sighing, she lies back on the bed and types out a message.

**(9:50 9 May):** sure that sounds good where do u want 2 go?

She’s just putting the phone away when Oikawa shifts against her, warm breath brushing her neck. Iwaizumi tries to repress a shiver, but fails, and then she’s suddenly looking into Oikawa’s large brown eyes.

“Morning, Iwa-chan,” she murmurs, voice thick with sleep, and it sounds so cute, Iwaizumi almost can’t stand it. “How long have you been up?”

“Just a few minutes,” Iwaizumi answers, unconsciously combing her fingers through her friend’s thick hair.

“Mm, good.” Oikawa yawns and sits up. Iwaizumi feels the loss of her warmth immediately. “Let’s go out for lunch! I really don’t want to be sad about yesterday anymore.”

Iwaizumi bites her lip. “Actually, Oikawa, I need to go. I have other plans today.”

Oikawa stills for a moment, before turning slowly to look at her. “Plans with Rinko-chan, I suppose?”

She nods. “Yes.”

Oikawa keeps looking at her. Iwaizumi isn’t sure what else to say, what else her friend appears to be expecting her to say. On the bedside table, her phone buzzes again, and Oikawa’s eyes snap to it.

“I didn’t think you would reschedule your date so soon, Iwa-chan,” she finally says, lightly.

Iwaizumi wrinkles her brow; it seems slightly odd to say. “Well, she asked me if I wanted to get lunch. I feel bad about canceling on her yesterday.”

Oikawa laughs. It’s one of her fake laughs, the kind Iwaizumi hates. “Honestly, Iwa-chan, you should have known better than to schedule a date during the Inter-High. Especially on a day that we have such an important match.”

“You know, unlike you, my life isn’t all about volleyball.” Iwaizumi’s voice comes out more hostile than she intended. 

Oikawa shrugs, and Iwaizumi senses one of her bitchy moods coming on. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to do without you for lunch.” Then, with no preamble, she takes off her nightshirt. 

Iwaizumi feels her color rise. Oikawa is naked from the waist up beneath her pajamas. She quickly grabs her phone and looks at the new message from Rinko to keep her eyes busy. “Stop stripping around me, Asskawa. I don’t want to see that.”

“Hmm, whatever you say, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa’s voice is light, teasing. “Do you know where I put my phone? I want to ask Kazaki-kun if he wants to go to lunch with me.”

Iwaizumi blinks and looks up again. “You mean that guy who asked me out last week?”

“Well, you turned him down, didn’t you?”

“Oikawa, he’s not your type. You’ll just chew him up and spit him out. Don’t lead him on if you aren’t actually interested.”

“Who says I’m not interested? I told you he was cute.”

“Yeah, but when you say someone is ‘cute’, you mean it in a puppy dog way,” Iwaizumi retorts, finally sitting up in bed. “Come on, Oikawa. Don’t be a bitch.”

Now, Oikawa narrows her eyes. “A bitch, Iwa-chan? You think I’m being a bitch?”

“Yes! You don’t like Kazaki. I know you don’t.”

Her friend’s eyes have a dangerous glint in them. “Who are you to say who I do and don’t like, Iwa-chan? I don’t think you’re even in touch with your own feelings.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Reaching for her towel and soap, Oikawa opens the door to her bedroom. “You’d better get ready for your date.”

She leaves, and Iwaizumi really feels like punching her.

-

Rinko is sweet, animated, and genuine – she doesn’t remind Iwaizumi of Oikawa at all. So she wonders why she spends her entire date with Rinko comparing her to Oikawa.

“What position do you play on your volleyball team?” asks Iwaizumi, as the two of them slurp shakes following their lunch. 

“Setter,” says Rinko, with a bright smile. “Just like your best friend, right?”  
“Eh? You mean Oikawa?”

“Yeah. That pretty girl you’re always hanging out with?”

Iwaizumi rolls her eyes. “Oikawa is only pretty on the outside.” At Rinko’s blank look, she laughs a bit. “Sorry, I know that sounds weird. It’s just how our relationship is.”

“Sounds like an interesting one,” Rinko says. “Anyway, I haven’t been playing that long. Only since I got to high school. And our team isn’t that good – definitely not good enough to go up against Aobajousai.”

To Rinko, volleyball is just a club sport. She probably has tons of other interests, and wouldn’t stay up all night watching matches like Oikawa does. 

“I don’t think winning really matters so much, as long as you have fun,” Iwaizumi says. “I mean, it’s nice to win. But just being on the court is fun, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Rinko replies. “Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t play. Our team has only won a couple of matches since I’ve been there.”

Iwaizumi nods, then startles a little as her phone buzzes against her thigh. She quickly looks and sees that the message is from Oikawa.

**Oikawa [13:08 9 May]:** kazaki-kun is sooooo sweet!! you were totally wrong he is definitely my type

**Oikawa [13:08 9 May]:** he’s taking me out for haagen-dazs~

Iwaizumi shoves the phone violently back into her pocket. “Hey, do you wanna go see a movie? I’m not ready for our date to be over yet.”

Rinko beams at her. “Sure! There’s a romantic comedy that I’ve really been wanting to see.”

Iwaizumi kind of hates romantic comedies. “Okay, that sounds good. Let’s go.”

-

She doesn’t kiss Rinko at the end of the night. She thinks about it, and maybe Rinko is even expecting it, but whenever she looks at Rinko’s lips and thinks about closing the distance between them, her body doesn’t move. After the movie (which was dull, in Iwaizumi’s opinion), they hug and promise to text and go their separate ways. 

As a first date, Iwaizumi thinks, it probably went well. 

She finds herself thinking about Oikawa again as she makes her way home. What might it be like, to actually go on a date with her? Maybe not all that different from just hanging out with her. They’d still end up getting ice coffee in town, doing their homework together, playing volleyball, taking Takeru to the beach. Oikawa would still drag her to the mall and model endless numbers of outfits, always valuing Iwaizumi’s opinion over the sales associate’s. Iwaizumi would probably still call her Trashykawa (affectionately) and get mad with her for being a general pain in the ass.

But when they make up, there could be sweet kisses and hands in hair and warm bodies pressed together on cool sheets…

Iwaizumi feels suddenly flushed with heat. She quickens her pace to get home, eager to get in the shower and just go to bed. 

She half expects Oikawa to be at her house when she arrives, ready to tell her every little detail about her date, but she isn’t. There aren’t any more messages from her on Iwaizumi’s phone, either. Shrugging, Iwaizumi leaves the phone on the kitchen counter and heads upstairs to draw the bath. She makes the water scalding and sits there for more than an hour, almost falling asleep, before she hears movement downstairs and figures her family must be home. 

Wrapping a towel around herself, she goes into her bedroom to get dressed and finds Oikawa sitting on her bed. 

Iwaizumi freezes, and Oikawa gazes at her levelly with her large eyes. “Oikawa, what the fuck.”

“You’re so crass, Iwa-chan,” she says lightly, leaning back on the bed and crossing her legs. She still appears to be dressed up from her date; the skirt she’s wearing is very short. “You wouldn’t answer your phone.”

“I was in the bath,” Iwaizumi says, gesturing to her towel-draped body. 

“I can see that.”

“What are you doing here?”

There’s a long pause. “I came to ask you how your date went.”

Iwaizumi blinks. “I figured you’d want to tell me all about yours first.”

Oikawa shrugs. “I’ve been on lots of dates, and I tell you about all of them. But this was your very first one. And I want to know everything that happened so I can make sure this girl is worthy of Iwa-chan’s affections.”

“What are you, my father?”

“No, I’m your best friend. And I know you better than your father does and you know it.”

It’s true. Iwaizumi sighs, leaning against the doorframe. She runs a hand through her wet hair, realizing that she is still very much naked. “Can we at least wait until after I get dressed to talk about this?”

Oikawa lifts a brow, clearly amused. “All those locker room showers, and you still aren’t comfortable being naked around me, Iwa-chan?” 

She gives the taller girl a weird look. “I just don’t feel like standing here in my towel, okay? Get out for a second.”

Oikawa simply smiles and gets off the bed, obediently going out of the bedroom so that Iwaizumi can change. She hurriedly pulls on a large t-shirt (which she realizes belatedly actually belongs to Oikawa) and some boxer shorts before letting Oikawa back into the room. Oikawa immediately notices the t-shirt and Iwaizumi feels a surge of irritation. It’s only because you leave your stupid things here all the time. 

“So,” says Oikawa, refolding herself on Iwaizumi’s bed, “tell me how it went.”

Iwaizumi drops backwards onto her desk chair, resting her arms on its back. “It was all right,” she says, then pauses when she realizes she doesn’t know what else to say.

“That’s it? Just ‘all right’?”

“We went to go see a romantic comedy.”

Oikawa gives a snort of a laugh. “You hate romantic comedies.”

“Well, she really wanted to see it, and I didn’t want to seem rude. It wasn’t all that bad.” It had been terrible.

“Do you like her? Are you gonna go on another date?”

She shrugs a little. “Maybe. I don’t know yet.”

“Hmm.” Oikawa makes a face, twisting her lips off to one side. “I guess I’ll have to wait to pass judgment. She’s definitely not as pretty as me, though.”

“Hah. Who says she has to be as pretty as you?”

“You admit she’s not, then.”

Iwaizumi rolls her eyes. “Not everything is a beauty contest, Oikawa. It’s not like I’m comparing her to you.”

“Aren’t you, though?”

Iwaizumi stares at her. She has a self-satisfied smirk on her face, brown eyes glinting mischievously. It’s the kind of expression that usually makes Iwaizumi want to punch her. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Mm, nothing, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa stands up, stretches. Her tiny t-shirt rides up over her belly. “It’s pretty late. I guess I should get back home. I just couldn’t wait to hear all about your date.”

Iwaizumi catches her as she starts to leave, pulling her back around to face her. “You might think this evasive bullshit is cute, but I don’t. I’m your best friend. You don’t have to act this way around me.”

Immediately, Oikawa’s eyes seem to soften at the edges. She looks…tired, almost, but there’s something else, some unnamable thing that makes her look vulnerable and quiet. Iwaizumi stiffens in surprise when Oikawa’s hand comes up to cup her cheek, and then she is leaning in, her hair brushing Iwaizumi’s face and her lips brushing Iwaizumi’s lips. 

It’s quick, over before it even really begins. 

“I know, Iwa-chan,” she says as she pulls back, hand dropping slowly back to her side. “But I know you want more than that. I heard…I heard you the other night. But I…just can’t.”

Then she’s gone, and Iwaizumi is left staring at the empty space where she had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, you can find me on tumblr at ~perilousgard. i'll only bite if you ask


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER. I moved to Japan in August and I've been pretty busy ever since!! However, I wanted to get this chapter posted before the end of the year. Hope you like! This is the last one.

Iwaizumi stares up at the ceiling. She touches her lips. Rolls over in her bed, closes her eyes. Tries to banish the feeling of Oikawa’s kiss. But every time she closes her eyes, she only sees the look on Oikawa’s face just before she turns and runs out.

_I can’t._

Iwaizumi’s hands curl into fists and she buries her face in her pillow, feeling like she needs to scream. The sound works its way up her throat, but gets stuck there, and her body trembles with the effort of forcing it out. _Just scream,_ she tells herself. _Just scream until you feel better. Scream until you can’t remember what Oikawa’s lips feel like._

Impossible. She’ll probably remember it forever.

Instead of a scream, she feels tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, and presses her face even more into the pillow. Crying will do even less good than screaming, and it’s _pathetic_ anyway, crying over someone like Oikawa Tooru. What was she, just another fanboy?

_I’m your best friend._

The tears keep coming. Iwaizumi gives up on holding them back after a moment, and snuffles as quietly as she can into her pillow until she’s done, some fifteen minutes later. Sitting up, she reaches for a tissue on her nightstand and accidentally knocks her phone to the carpet.

When she picks it up, the screen is lit. No messages.

She throws the phone away. She can’t bear to look at the photo she has of herself and Oikawa on the lock screen, their smiles frozen in time.

-

She forces herself to go to school the next day. Oikawa doesn’t wait for her at her gate, as she usually does, and Iwaizumi doesn’t see her on the way into school, either. She slumps towards Class 5, eyes on the ground, hardly seeing where she’s going.

Naturally, she bumps into someone.

“Sorry,” Iwaizumi mumbles, starting to sidestep the person, but then she notices that it’s Himura-sensei, Oikawa’s homeroom teacher. She puts a steadying hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“I was actually just looking for you, Iwaizumi-san,” Himura says. “Oikawa’s called in sick today. Do you think you can take her the homework after school?”

Iwaizumi blinks at her. “Oikawa’s sick?”

“Yes, according to her mother, anyway. Would you mind? I have her worksheets right here.”

“Uh.” Iwaizumi stares at the papers in her hand, before reaching out slowly to take them. “Sure. No problem.”

“Thank you, dear.” Himura walks away and Iwaizumi stares after her. _Sick…_ there’s no way. Oikawa must have lied to her mother to get out of school.

She’s hiding from Iwaizumi.

In a fog for the rest of the day, Iwaizumi plays so badly at volleyball practice that she nearly sprains the wrist that she broke last year, doing a particularly vicious spike. The pain reminds her of the way Oikawa had so gently cradled her wrist after practice, the way she had stroked Iwaizumi’s hair on the way to the hospital. She remembers telling Oikawa to _go home, stupid_ as they sat together in the waiting room, and Oikawa’s stout refusal to do so. _You take care of me all the time, so now let me take care of you._

Ignoring questions from her teammates, Iwaizumi presses a bag of ice to her wrist and walks home.

-

Her wrist still hurts later that night when she says at dinner, “Mom, I’m gay.”

Her mother slowly sets down her chopsticks, staring at her.

“I just…I wanted you to know,” she says uncomfortably, shifting in her seat. “I wanted to tell you before Dad came back from his business trip. Please…don’t be mad at me.”

“Oh, sweetie,” her mother says softly, and the gentleness in her voice makes tears spring to Iwaizumi’s eyes again. “I’m not mad at you. I’m glad you told me.”

“I didn’t want to be,” Iwaizumi continues, voice shaking now. “I _don’t_ want to be. It would be easier if I wasn’t, then I could just be normal and marry the son of dad’s boss like he wants and…”

The tears come in earnest when she feels her mother’s arms wrap around her. Squeezing her eyes shut, she grips the back of her sweater and hiccups as she tries to keep from sobbing. Her mother just holds her and rubs her back.

“Don’t say that,” she says. “I only want you to be who you are, Hajime. Please, don’t be afraid to be who you are.”

-

Iwaizumi sits on the tire swing that still hangs in her backyard, and remembers sitting together with Oikawa in it, when they were still small enough to fit both their bodies through the hole. Now, the rope securing it to the tree strains with her weight, but she doesn’t really care if it breaks. There are always the other memories they have in this backyard, all the hours of tossing volleyballs back and forth, and collecting bugs, and making up games that usually got them both scratched up and dirty. She wishes she could go back to that time – back to when things were simple and she didn’t have these feelings and Oikawa was just some snot-nosed kid, not worth getting all smitten over at all. Why couldn’t she be ugly? Why couldn’t she be as selfish as she often seemed to be? Why couldn’t she –

“Wow, I didn’t know this thing was still here.”

Why couldn’t she _learn not to sneak up on Iwaizumi?_

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Oikawa says, stepping out of the trees. She looks simple in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt – an old one of Iwaizumi’s, if she’s not mistaken. Her hair is loose and wild over her shoulders, and there’s not a trace of makeup on her face. Iwaizumi’s heart throbs painfully, and she looks away.

“What are you doing here?” she asks quietly. “Why didn’t you come to school?”

“You know why,” Oikawa says, coming up slowly behind her. “I was…afraid.”

“Of me?”

“No. I could never be afraid of you. I was…” She sighs, clearly searching for words. “I was afraid of what you wanted from me.”

Iwaizumi swallows hard. “I won’t force you to be with me. It’s okay. I’ll get over this eventually.” _This._ This thing that was so much more than a crush, and has been going on for so much longer than she realized. It won’t go away, she’s sure of that.

“Iwa-chan…I’m not asking you to get over it.” Oikawa’s hand closes over the rope above Iwaizumi’s head, spinning the tire swing around to face her. Her eyes are painfully beautiful in the light of the setting sun. “I…I _like_ that you have these feelings for me.”

“What, so you just get off on people pining over you?” Iwaizumi asks, her voice breaking. “That’s disgusting, even for you –“

“No! That’s not – just let me say this!” Oikawa is still holding the rope, keeping Iwaizumi close. “I…I think we’d be good together. You and me. We’d make a great couple. The _best_ couple.”

Iwaizumi stares at her. Her heart pounds wildly. “That’s not what you said yesterday.”

“I know it’s not. Because I’m still not sure I can do this.”

Iwaizumi glares at her. “Do you love me or not? Don’t play with me, Oikawa.”

Oikawa sighs. Leaning forward slightly, she rests her forehead against Iwaizumi’s, and Iwaizumi stares at the freckles dusting her nose. Oikawa’s breaths are soft and quiet against her mouth, and it’s the only sound Iwaizumi can hear.

“I do love you. But I’m still afraid.”

Iwaizumi’s breath catches. “Of what?”

“Of…being with you in public…announcing you as my girlfriend…telling my parents,” she says in a small, wobbly voice. “No one knows about this part of me. I’m not brave like you.”

“I’m not brave,” Iwaizumi says, closing her eyes. Oikawa is warm and close, the way Iwaizumi always wants her, and she wishes she could slow down time. “I just…didn’t want to be miserable with someone I could never love. But I was fucking terrified, especially of telling you. I thought you would…”

“What? Abandon you?”

Iwaizumi nods, feeling stupid for even having the thought.

“Stupid, Iwa-chan. You’re so stupid.” Oikawa echoes Iwaizumi’s thoughts, with no malice in her voice.

“Yeah, I’m stupid. Stupid for falling in love with an asshole like you.”

Oikawa laughs. “No one can resist me, you know. I knew you couldn’t either.”

Iwaizumi tugs gently on her hair. “Shut up, or I’ll change my mind.”

Oikawa’s hands push into her hair, sending little prickles of sensation along her scalp and neck. “I still haven’t said yes, you know. To this. This whole thing.”

Iwaizumi catches her hand. “You don’t have to be alone in this, Oikawa. You know, in telling everyone. I’ll be with you. And if anyone says anything, I’ll punch them.”

She laughs, beautifully. “I know. I shouldn’t be afraid when I have you…but I’ll have to think about it, okay?”

Iwaizumi nods. “That’s fine. As long as it’s okay for me to kiss you right now.”

She opens her eyes in time to see Oikawa’s eyes sparkle as she leans closer. “I would punch _you_ if you didn’t.”

*


End file.
